Breaking down.

another round of assignments. another round of stress. what more, I am taking malay this semester. extra work. extra commitment. now then I realise how few things I can complete at one go.

ability of multi-tasking. this do not apply for assignments. if I don't complete one assignment, I cannot happily jump to another. this indicates that I must focus on one thing a time. anyway, this also tells that if I get stuck somewhere in some assignment, I am gone!

2 days of public holiday next week. and the 'happiest' thing is that there's replacement class. stats is tentatively on thursday from 1830 to 1930. I so don't feel like having lesson at these odd timeslots. essentially evenings to me are like relaxing. therefore I foresee that next week I will be zombified during the lesson and my brain will be dead throughout.

what more, traffic jam after the lesson. now I am considering whether to just stay in bandar sunway until the jam clears. if not I will just be wasting productive times doing unproductive activities which drains away my energy and produces nothing in the end. the sad part of kl life.

malay presentation on monday. damn sad. its like 5 days of holidays in a row and I have this cacat presentation in the middle. right smack in the middle. I am even thinking of whether to appear for the morning lecture. hrm, good question to ponder upon.

tuesday got stats online assignment submission. then 9th may is online MUSO quiz. I am like so screwed. 11th is submission of econs assignment 2. 15th is managing and I think somewhere there is accounts. I better take note of all these dates. honestly, I didn't even know all these dates before today. oh man, what a student.

going to choose nestle as my topic organisation for managing. 5 recommendations. I wonder how to complete this part. executive summary. haha, this is new. research research and more research. papers start to fly around again!

heh, teacher is back. 2nd half of tutorial starts.

in the stress mode again.

好复杂的心情
不懂要打啥
真是的
烦

又一次的展开了做作业的生活
不多 四份罢了
麻木了 不管了
上一次的只派了两份
还有一份明天会回来
超恐怖的

过了这一次就要考试了
担心
因为通常都考不好
其实也不能这么说
不是考不好
而是不会考很好

好怕
想要尽全力应付
但就是没有办法
每天回到家都好累
累得我真的不想做功课

昨晚驾车差点出车祸
我的疏忽
没有专心
想着某一些事
但已忘了是啥
还好没撞到
不然...

搞不好哪天
真的要到medical center去看我
不是我想诅咒我自己
只是...
这不是不可能的呀！

shall stop posting chinese. this is seriously making me feel cacat. because I type like a tortise using that thingy... and honestly, I only enjoy writing in chinese. haha, because I like my hadwriting! heh... anyway, just a summary on the above mentioned stuff: my pessimistic thoughts are back again!

'Always look on the bright side of life'

somehow just don't see any brightness in my life. I mean like, I feel that I am screwing things up in my hands, but I just couldn't help it. I tried in the beginning, but eventually everything just fell apart. like my assignments, the first parts are always the ones scoring, and things get screwed up throughly in the second parts.

sometimes I wish that I just have that extra bit of time and energy to complete whatever I have in mind. at least... let me have whatever it takes to do whatever I am suppose to do.

mwahaha... decided to change my template. due to having too long posts, I also changed the number of post to be shown on screen into 1 post.

I presume that in the near future I won't be posting so often, yup yup, so 1 post should be just nice for this new template. anyway, its black because somehow I think this is classy. and it doesn't mean that my favourite colour has changed. yup yup.

simple template, simple words, simple posts. all because I think simple and I life simple!

hope you all like this!

I am surprised by the way how things can affect me.

failure, ain't I suppose to be used to it? the 'don't care' spirit just cannot be brought into this event. I care. seriously, I care. but it will be contradictory if I say I care and I don't put in my best. even so, I still did things in the contradicting manner.

not going to elaborate on the failure, because the part that I should take note is on learning from it. isn't some major failure as in failure, but failure as in mistakes that I don't think I should be commiting. well, no matter what, I am suppose to get over with it real soon and to learn.

suchin: dajie! thank you for sesat-ing with me on friday. *speechless* thanks for being around me. thanks for pei-ing me. =)

well, support from friends. don't know, but somehow this is very important to me. I mean like, it can indicate the happiness or sadness within me. I really felt better with simple acts or words of encouragement. thank you all out there who have been there for me for my past 18 years of life. I really appreciate it very much. thank you.

ok, next up, another big thing affected me. you know nowadays I don't quite read the papers. heh, even if I get this free copy of the sun every morning, I didn't quite bother reading it. not because of the packed timetable that I have. I can't find the reason behind reading papers larh.

ok, went a bit off track... got affected by the Virginia Tech massacre thingy. heard about it over the radio for quite some time already. didn't pay a lot of attention to it, because I thought it was just another campus news from america. but I was wrong, this is a large scale one. this 'news' shocked me when I hear about words like 'massacre' and 'mass killing' being equated with this event.

and then the number of lives that were lost, that really shocked me off my chair. 32. I couldn't even bring myself to hurt one person. and this guy killed 32. how cruel is that? my very direct first-hand response was that this guy is bian tai. it is so crazy to commit such a crime. and I was extremely angry at this stupid stranger that wasted others' lives.

after a few days, I start to focus on the murderer. well, not very sure about the details, but I am quite sure that this guy has some problems. not to say that then he is not in the wrong, because he still killed 32 people and no matter how great the problems can amount to, it is still not ok to kill 32 people. don't know larh, the more I type about this, the more blur I get. don't know whether to say that its his fault or not (even though it is his fault for killing), but I believe that there's definately something behind his actions.

well, the video clip on ivy's blog. haha, I realise that I always take things from there. and now I know why, because her blog got meaningful things lorh! haha, also because her blog is currently at the top of my links list. yeah.

ok, this post getting so long that I start to feel stressed. haha, and that is all because I haven't started on my bahasa assignment which requires 10 pages and is to be submitted on thursday.

oh my shen, why do I feel so screwed up now?

you know something??? its has been (don't know how many) days since I last blogged!

ok, this is mainly caused by the poor connection that I am getting everywhere, which includes my house in PJ and the school. no good connection, no mood to blog lorh. haha.

remembering that my previous post stopped on the 11/4/2007...

12/4/2007
still suffering in my surveys.
tired. but happy.
slacked at home for the whole day.
I love my house.
I love everybody!

13/4/2007
HUIYEE!!!
finally the 3 of us met up.
found this new nice place in pelangi.
preparing myself to go back.
I don't want to leave JB.

14/7/2007
I left, with tears rolling in my eyes.
bidded farewell to my dad.
I used to do it when I was young. always saying 'bye bye' with the thought that I will still see daddy in the evening. this time, its so torturing. the 'bye bye' didn't exactly sound like what it should be. I know that I will miss him a lot.
back to ken damansara.
life back to the usual business again.

and so my one week back in JB just ended like that. haha, believe it or not, I still feel that half of me is back in JB. I don't deny this fact lorh. seriously, I still have the stupid feeling that I am having my holidays in KL. I cannot be feeling this right? but somehow I can't help it.

leaving for lunch. chao!

back in JB. finally. and I don't feel like going back already.

had a happy time for the past weekend. suffering in the surveys now. not doing any homework or any other school stuff. just can't be bothered about anything else. I want to enjoy my holiday, my friends around me and most importantly the time I have with my parents.

6/4/07
don't misjudge a proton saga. it can take 6 people from sunway to pudu.
6 hours of bus. first time taking. tiring. at home finally.
thanks shifu for the ride. sorry for starving you.
tired.

7/4/07
thanks shifu and family for hosting me.
long time since I been to CS. had lunch in pikachu. bought sweater.
enjoyed my time in CS, shopping and talking with shifu and k wee.
nice talk at night.

8/4/07
thanks shifu's sis for the exciting ride to singapore.
thank you shifu for having lunch at din tai fung with me.
vivo trip with aud and yx is nice! I miss all of you so much!
wy prince! built a bear.
thanks uncle mike for letting me stay over.

9/4/07
NYCB, jiayou jiayou jiayou!
back to ny and had local delight.
audi prac. band. memories. yx, datou, aiwen.
ivy! swensons. fries+chicken+banana crumble.
back to pelangi indah at last.

10/4/07
sunway JB. mufy march 06. ms soo.
redbox lunch. sing till no sound.
ms how. get to know shifu's classmates.
porridge steamboat. aaron, yiki, huizhi, shifu.
thanks to all for the wonderful day.

11/4/07
thanks k wee for bringing my labtop to me.
pasar mini p and i. nice boss.
lunch at lavender.
aeon n guess. thanks for helping out.
great dinner. I like being around my parents.

this is like the point form of my holiday up till now. elaborations? don't think that will be necessary. I remember every single details. thanks everybody for making me feel good!

sleepy. sweet dreams!

haha, the long awaited holiday is finally approaching soon! tml I am finally returning to JB, a place which I don't know why I suddenly miss so so so much. haha. anyway, my mind is completely occupied with one thousand and one things to do in JB. can you like believe it? I have 4 tutorials and I am like totally not prepared for any of them. haiz, and I am scared of alvin chan, coz his lesson will commence in 86 minutes time and I am still blogging away down here.

***

经历了很多，突然间有种麻木的感觉
时间过得好快，快得我已习惯不去理会它了
突然间一切好像看电影一样
仿佛不再是我的人生

根本来不及适应
一个学期就这么过了一半
照这样看来
我可没这么多学期来耗

大学...
一点也不好玩
太忙了...
可是也有好玩的地方...
那就是和大家
一起赶作业
一起stress
一起度过＂美好时光＂

生活
感觉上又回来了
忙碌
或许是心灵上的一种寄托吧

到目前为止
我还很喜欢这样的生活
超有意义
超有成就
真好

***

should go and look for my information liao larh. cannot play play around anymore!!! haha... kk, chao!

ok, I know that this blog has been dead for quite some time. haha, mei ban fa, I busy marh... so never come lorh... and the main point is, I was busy playing and enjoying myself over the weekends... hee...

ok, suchin came over to stayover during weekends. and we totally enjoyed our time, every single minute, every single second. haha, now then I got that feeling that I should've met her earlier. haiz, if I met her last year, then luan liao lorh... confirm just talk and talk and yack and yack whole day, then what also won't do... haha... so there's always pros and cons in anything under the sun!

kk, met up with karen on saturday. haha, this is my first time going out with her, coz last time di dalam kolej sama pun tak kenal sangat. heh, got that feeling that she's a fun-loving girl, and I dare to confirm that she's an enthu soul! haha, so I presume that I should be seeing her often, and should be chiong-ing outside constantly! heh, it feels good to be around with all these people from the same college! coz this feels so qin qie!

erm, guess I a bit the deprived of friends down here in KL. haha, and I hope to meet up with more JB friends!!! especially those from the same college. haha, last time I lived a low profile in JB larh, didn't even socialise as much and hence I am like a lone soul piao-ing in the school. haha, was I living a low profile or having no life? I don't know larh, I just know that I didn't know people all around the school, despite its small scale of approx 200 students. haha, and that school is even pathetic this year... haiyo, probably I was being antisocial...

***

took this from ivy's blog. haha, I reckon that I always take things from there... haha, no choice, coz this really makes sense to me lorh! here goes...

You walk into a jungle, what comes into your view?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

Then you walk through the jungle and reached a picturesque lake. What do you see on the lake?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

You walk out of the jungle. What comes into view now?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

Now, as a camcorder would, rewind back to those scenes you captured.
You will decipher for yourself, what those snapshots mean.

The first scene you see once you step into the jungle is/are the problem/problems you have or currently facing. So if you see an old willow tree it MAY mean that your current problem has persisted for quite some time. I use MAY because the meaning to each may differ between individuals.

The scene you see on the beautiful lake shows how your other half is. Symbolically of course. It doesn't mean if you see ducks then your other half quacks right! Yup so it has to be a moment, a scene you see. Can be as detailed as possible, but must be the first thing that comes to your mind.

When you walk out of the jungle, what you see symbolizes your future. Future outlook, life, and some may even be business prospects:) It all depends on what you visualize and how you decipher your visualizations.

(Leow, 2007)

ok, I did put reference hor, so this is not plagirism. heh, and the reference list is somewhere in my mind, just that I cannot remember how to put it inside here now. haha, oh yar, by the way, this is the harvard system of referencing. and this stupid system is haunting me day and night larh...

back to the questions above, haha, have you got your answers? well, just in case you are interested, I am going to share mine with you.

when I first walked into the jungle, I saw a scene that is similar to how the Amazon looks like.

*erm, don't blame me if my geography is wrong hor... coz I happily dropped mine since secondary 3, and hence my geographical knowledge is like on the negative side of the scale. *

anyway, typical tropical rainforest larh. those kind with a lot of trees, but healthy and youthful trees hor! haha, bright sunlight penetrating through the spaces between the leaves, and then its quite humid inside. ok larh, I suck at describing this scene. seriously.

but what this suppose to mean arh? got problems meh? or just big problems are too large to be viewed and small problems are so insignificant? coz I just feel like I have no problems now but then I am like filled with problems in my head. haha, what a funny person I am larh...

next on to the lake. yup, I see nothing on the lake itself. yup, just still and clear waters. I don't know, but it just gives me the very very comfortable feeling when I am picturing this. haha, and I didn't see ducks! so I guess my other half is somehow normal and doesn't quacks! heh...

ok, after walking out of the jungle, all I see is this piece of grassland. also very comfortable one, so I guess I should be happily enjoying myself walking in it. haha, and if this is suppose to mean anything, I guess it should mean having no troubles and not much worries ba. haha, bright future lorh! heh...

***

k larh, this should be it. got lesson going on in this very computer lab in 20 mins time. one thing I don't understand, why monash's computer lab is always packed with people?!! haiz, and its like forever hard to get a workstation. haiz... they should seriously address this problem, coz its an acute problem which determines the life and death of my school life! well, at least it keeps me in school to do work during long gaps and not halau-ing me to go out. go out need money one lorh!!! sommor need time, need energy, need this, need that, very ma fan one!!!

chao!