Looking back into the past.

then I realise how much I miss my past.

I love my uniform. I love my life last time.

if given another chance, I would like to go back.

ok, after a LONG time, finally me get to go and sing in redbox today! whee...



8 of us (aaron, huiyee, huizhi, jiajun, k wee, ruijing, yiki and me) went to sing from 11am all the way up till 3pm. whoa, sometimes I peifu myself for being able to shout+scream+sing for so long. haha, no wonder I get comments such as me being loud... wahahaha.



anyway, it was just a whole session of self high-ifying... I guess after such a long time of not meeting up with each other, its quite good that all of us are still so intact. anyway, a big thank you to all of you for coming out and accompanying me for the whole day =)

after the singing session, jiajun went back early. haha, this fellow just had operation to remove his appendix, so we decided to let him go home and rest. and we were still joking about his operation, saying that probably after hearing us sing his intestines will tear apart. *leng(cold)*


then we all went to jalan-jalan. oh yar, MNG was having some sort of season clearance. went in there for a short while, huiyee bought shifu a purple jacket as her birthday present. yup yup, and I think most probably I will go back there and grab something too. anyway, after hiao-ing around for some time, we decided to go up to PDI because shifu had something to buy there.



just walked and walked. I realise that even after so long, we can still yack a lot. ok larh, me being a 38 person, no matter got topic or no topic also can yack and yack one. haha, so just kai-kai-ed around until we realise that the longer we stay the heavier the traffic gets. haha, that's like the best gauge to when we should go home. oh yar, a big thank you to hui yee jie jie to fetch me home as well as aaron kor kor to pick me up from my home =)



ok, as usual, pictures time at the end of the post!

ok, I seriously got to do something with my looks. I am looking the same for don't-know-how-many years already. who wanna sponser me for a complete makeover? =)

due to my carelessness, I get nagged at nowadays because of the puncture incident. bleah, honestly, I don't like to be nagged at.

anyway, no matter how hard I try to explain, messages just don't get through. and they say that I am talking back at what they say. and so I am like wth. so in the end I resorted to keeping quiet and nodding my head to whatever they say. and then they say I don't listen to them. WTH!

first things first. I am a 'P' license holder. meaning that I am still on probation and I do get the chance to learn from my mistake. isn't this what a 'P' license is for? anyway, I can't remember where I got my tyre puncture. if you want me to tell you the whole entire journey that I've travelled, I can. if you want me to tell you the exact spot of the nail piercing through the rubber, sorry lorh, I don't know. so can you like just stop asking me where I got it punctured arh? not as if you ask me 10000 times then I can tell you the answer lorh.

secondly, I would seriously appreciate if you all can understand that I was seriously shocked and feeling scared inside out when I met up with such complicated situation. then you ask me, 'why you didn't do ... ...?' 'why you didn't... ...?'. eh, if I can calm down and analyse the situation, I don't believe that I cannot figure out all the 10000 ways to solve the problem lorh. but its my first time meeting up with such situation leh, stop thinking that I know exactly what I should do or what I can do. I DON'T KNOW.

thirdly, I seriously don't want to change the spare tyre. ok larh, I am lazy in the first place larh. but I didn't change the kenari one before, and I wasn't sure if I now how to do it correctly. in addition hor, the tyre at that point of time was almost flat on the ground lorh. and I was freaking out. sommor hor, even if I don't call my kor kor, I don't know what to do to the inflated spare tyre lorh. ok, now that everything is back to normal, I should constantly remind myself to check the spare tyre air constantly.

now I start to have a little driving phobia lah. this is like getting a little scary. I know that I can just escape by staying in the hostel. if only I can run away.

anyway, I also got very very scared because the car that I am driving is not mine. I mean like, if I am using other people's stuff, I will take extremely good care one lorh. and I feel damn guilty for damaging it. but somehow my auntie just keep nagging and nagging. up till a point that I just feel like I shouldn't drive her car anymore and I should just resort to taking bus to school. haha, probably I can consider this method also. if not I will carry on life with this huge guilt in my heart.

then hor, another thing that my auntie and my mum is nagging about is me going out with my friends. eh, what do they expect larh? they expect me to rot at home and only face that 4 pathetic walls arh? they say they worry about me when I am out. but they didn't know the fact that if I don't go out, I will die straightaway. in me life, no play, I will die for sure. I understand their worry, but I know my needs have to be addressed too!

aiya, sommor my mum stresses that I shouldn't bring my friends around. because she says I will have to bear the responsibility of taking care of them. and she says that I should go home after school and stay at home and do housework and keep clean of the house and just stay at home and find my own things to do. wth, if I don't have friends around me and if I don't play with my friends, I think I will just knock my head into the wall and die. sometimes I know what they worry about, but I just cannot follow what they say. because I will be sad one lorh.

you all always say that you care for me. physically? then what about my feelings and my mental health? don't you all realise that I won't be happy by just staying in the stupid building? and obviously I don't think you all will know that I would rather die than to be a loner. haiz.

this post might contain some not very readable content. pardon me but I just need this space to express some of my heartfelt thoughts and feelings.

ok, this happened on thursday. after having lunch with dajie at IKEA, I decided to take the federal highway route to go to sunway. just as I was stopping at the traffic light, one kind motorcyclist stopped by and told me something shocking.

motorcyclist: miss arh, your tyre punctured leh! (looking down at my left rear tyre)

me: orh...

honestly speaking, I shouldn't have opened the window. but I somehow knew that the uncle was not a bad guy. and when he told me this shocking piece of news, I was like... ... ... oh my shen, I haven't even held me license for 1 year and I meet with such situation. how lucky can I get?

not having any common sense, me still drove all the way back to sunway apartment hostel. luckily it was from seksyen 14 to apartment hostel. I think if I dragged any longer, the rim would have been damaged. and serious, I was so scared that I didn't know what to do at that point of time. just a few days back everybody was like telling me that if anything happen, don't anyhow stop beside the road. because anything and everything can happen.

being a typical female driver, I stopped the vehicle in the hostel and went down to check on the situation. oh my tian, it was SERIOUS. first person coming across my mind, my kor kor. heh, and I was so gan dong by him because he came immediately after receiving my call. ok, a little explaination here hor, I didn't call anybody when I was driving despite dajie was sitting beside me because I thought that I can still drive around and I thought it wasn't that serious. also, I didn't call my auntie in the first place because there's basically no point. I mean like, takkan she come over all the way and leave her job undone right?

anyway, my kor kor came within 15 mins. and I was awfully gan dong-ed by him. haha. he helped me change the tyre. and despite the complicated-ness of the situation, he was the only one that didn't nag at me. oh my shen, I really want to thank him a lot!!! *muacks*

haha, not forgetting to mention some of the complicated-ness details.

1. the jack beside the spare tyre was stuck.

2. it was about to rain.

3. the spare tyre was inflated.

ok. so the conclusion is that the situation is super hard to be dealt with. and I am still very gan dong-ed because my kor kor didn't say anything and he helped me solve everything. we took the spare tyre and the punctured one to the nearby tyre shop to repair cum pump air into it. haha, I was so stupid larh, there are like tonnes of tyre shops just outside the school and I didn't think of it. so after less than 2 hours, everything was solved and me and me kor kor went back home. =)

phew. what an interesting day. some pictures!

me kor kor =)

BIG nail stuck on the tyre =(

what a laupok me. haiz... next time must remember to check the spare tyre when I go to the petrol station. also, must take note of any differences when I am driving. learning from experience. not commiting the same mistake again! =)

by the way, the whole entire world nagged at me. well, I understand that I am at fault. but can somebody like take it into consideration that I am scared at that time? the worst is probably my
mum and my auntie. hard to explain. generally its about me treating my friends more importantly. a hard to explain topic. shall talk about it in the next post. long long story to be continued...

kk, an interesting day. haha. thanks kor kor!

before I update, this is something from friendster bulletin (again?) which is posted by nicholas entitled 'because of you'. haha, and this is seriously cool.

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that title of that song down no matter how silly it sounds!

=here goes=

If someone says ''is this okay?'' you say?
笑著放手

What would best describe your personality?
前传

What do you like in a guy/girl?
爱的奇迹

How do you feel today?
任我遨游

What is your life's purpose?
Darling

What is your motto?
快乐很伟大

What do your friends think of you?
多一天爱一点

What do you think of your parents?
Curtain call

What do you think about very often?
不想長大

What do you think of your besties?
你最珍贵

What do you think of the person you like/love?
Resentment

What do you want to be when you grow up?
你…我是傻瓜

What do you think when you see the person you like/love?
Airport Arrival

What do your parents think of you?
折磨

What will you dance to at your wedding?
irreplaceable(nortena remix)

What will they play at your funeral?
无缘

What is your hobby/interest?
打分数

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
你和我和他之間

What do you think of your friends?
理想情人

What song will be the subject when you repost?
I'm so hot

= that's about it=

ok, I listen to a lot of chinese songs. erm, I guess for some questions the answers are quite true. for others, I think it doesn't make sense at all! haha. anyway, this is just some random bulletin that I koop-ed from nicholas larh. haha. just for entertainment ya!

Sometimes I wish they understand. I really do. if I tried to understand them, I don't understand why they wouldn't even make the first move to try and understand me. I mean like, I don't ask for 100% support from them, but at least, just to know what I want can make a great big difference. indeed, a HUGE difference.

5 years, to be exact, 5 and a half years has passed. and all of us are still talking about the same thing. band and me. this seem like a never-ending topic that really tires me out. I mean like, why must I present my argument in several different main points and make elaborations on each? I just want to do what I like. I know they have a thousand reasons backing up their story. that's why I never bother to talk back.

everytime I will say, 'make this the last performance'. just like what my dad will say, 'it can never be the last'. I know the whole cycle of it. well, I know that I just can't let go. its the passion, its the music that last. We are the music while the music lasts. this is what printed on our t-shirts. unfortunately, this is what I believe too. The passion lives on... another statement that I totally believe in. it stays, it just stays.

its just so childish to be holding onto the past events. I mean like, not as if my band days are totally great. but to look at it closely, I enjoyed it. when there are ups, there are definately downs that will complement each other what. well, it can be like what my mum say, 'you treat it so importantly, but do they?'. haha. I don't expect the same way. I am the one that is willing to put it at the first place in my heart, nobody forced me to. me being foolish?

its not that I don't want to move on. I want to. but there's just this significant part in the past that I don't want to let go. Never let go, if I ever had the chance to hold it tight. if I am holding it too tightly, it wouldn't cross my mind to let go. and I can't even make up one simple reason for letting go. just let me hold on to it, I will be satisfied. why wouldn't you all just try and understand?

since young, I had never experience such a thing that could fill up the whole entire me. every single thing that I do, it seemed to be just to fulfil others' demands. I didn't feel that I was taking control, neither did I feel that I am not enjoying. it feels like just being a robot that is controlled by everyone around me. at that young age, I admit that I need you all to guide me around. that's why I never rebel against any decision. because I trusted that at that age I couldn't make wise decision and I needed you all to make decisions for me.

the first thing that I really enjoyed, enjoying it from top to toe, from my heart to my fingers, is band. that's the first time I feel that I made that decision on my own and I will live up to my decision. it meant so much to me. I can feel a different part in me that is enjoying what I am doing. its a feeling that I never had before. and for this enjoyment, I am willing to put in everything that I have. I really love it to the end of the world.

honestly, up till today, there's nothing that can replace the meaning of band in my heart. it just meant so much. I can't explain it well here, because that feeling is totally mine. and there's now yet another chance for me to return to the stage where I can be myself, the stage where I feel good. I wish I can make my way back. I hope to hold it really tight in my hands.

complicated issue which involves complicated thinkings. putting it aside, I should return to the world of statistics. pause and it shall be continued another time. the struggle stays. and I will try my very best to work towards what I want.

=)

just happen to view this picture. quite random though, since I am suppose to be doing statistics. remembering those good old days where I spent half of my time just attending practices and working so hard for what we aimed for. true enough, I was a sec 2 by then. but as part of the band, I knew that we work hard as a band. no matter you are a sec 1 or a sec 4, the gold is everything we wanted. the passion, the spirit, the commitment. each of these was deeply rooted in me.

I should be joining alumni practise now. I should be sitting in m3-10 of NYGH playing on the instrument that I have missed so much. 2 years since I last touched it. 5 years ago, I just started creating sound out of that instrument. how fast time passed. the happiness, the joy in playing. the feelings that I had for band, for tuba, for NYCB. fate of the gods, I would say, is the bestest music I've ever heard. especially the SYF version performed by NYCB. no exaggeration, but I cried while I was playing on stage on that day. VCH, though it might be abolished, still stays in my mind as one important concert hall.

I just miss band. I have to move on, to study, finish the remaining papers and return for practise. wish me luck!

I am not alright.

but I am not left.

neither am I wrong.

ok. I came online with the intention to check out the materials available at MUSO. and that intention was right there in my mind 3 hours ago. in the end, I logged in and out of MUSO, clicking on some random stuff and then I simply chao-ed.

I am seriously not in the mood of revising. yet I cannot let myself rest because I have managing paper on tuesday which is like day after tml. and I am finishing every single edible thing on my workstation. in addition to the already bad situation, I am pressing on the keyboards and staring into the labtop's screen instead of taking notes and reading the textbook.

I am studying so ineffieciently. ate the last M&M in the container. I am behaving damn wierd. can somebody please tell me why? this is like so different from the old me which can sit down for several hours just because I am scared for doing badly in the exam. I am scared now too! but some part within me just doesn't keep me in the study mood for long.

by the way, its a sin to have your labtop right smack in front of you switched on when you are attempting to study. because you end up doing all the other things on earth and not studying. and I am very sinful right now because I am not studying and I am blogging.

kor kor 'gave' me his old iPod which is a 15GB papaPod. wOw. and that is because I was having the thoughts of getting a iPod mini. haha. anyway, no matter what, I am still thinking of getting a silver iPod mini which is already not available in the market. saw a 2nd hand one, 6GB if I did not remember wrongly. RM450. considering to grab the deal or not.

managing is almost half done. left with the manager part which I think I should be able to finish by tml evening. I have to. well, if not I will be sad. =( because I plan to try the sample exam questions once before entering the exam hall. tuesday I shall go to school early in the morning so that I can prepare last minute. this means that I have to finish trying out the sample exam questions by tml night. latest latest by tues morning must finish. lunch time should be spent on cramming in last minute bits of details which I select based on my intuitions.

rough planning for now. I hope that I can be working on schedule. I cannot afford any mistake. by the way, and I am still going out tml night. luckily management is a rather subjective subject which can be crapped. all I need to know now is what is there for me to crap about. I have to be good at this right now. I have to get good enough grades. then only I can tell my dad that I want to major in this sector. I have to go by my schedule. I have to study.

NYCB alumni prac for appa XI is scheduled on tuesday 7pm and saturday 2pm. it starts on the 16th june. I will try to attend. if possible, I want to re-experience that all over again! =)

STUDY!!! *stressed. screwed.* *oh my shen*

another random friendster bulletin thingy.
entitled 'does your name fit you?'.

***
W: Very broad minded
Y: Loved by everybody

Q: A hypocrite
U: gets blamed for everything
I: Loves to kiss
N: the best gf/bf you could ever ask for

***
W: Very broad minded
H: Easy to fall in love with
Y: Loved by everybody

Q: A hypocrite
U: gets blamed for everything
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!
E: Freakin' beautiful eyes!
N: the best gf/bf you could ever ask for

***
either name, do you think it suits me? hmm...

continue with my books. =) jiayou!

45 hours later and I should be in the exam hall sitting for the first paper of the first round of exams. honestly speaking, I am scared. I am still at international trade despite my target of finishing econs revision today. still left with the huge market structures part which I am not done with. have to chiong for it!!!

'You only live once, but if you make it right, once is enough.'

I remember before Os michelle sent me such message. at that period of time, I was feeling unsecured for Os too. haha, but I totally agree with that statement. if you make it right, living once is indeed enough. now there's one thing I should do, which is making things in my life right. I won't regret. I won't look back and think that I should have made another choice.

suddenly everything surfaced from my memories. all the 'hardship' that I went through during my secondary days. if you ask me is that right or wrong, I will tell you that it is right. its only through mistakes that we learnt. now, I am not going to waste anymore time commiting the same mistakes. I will make it right this time round. I will.

microeconomics. probably this will be the last time I will be in contact with this subject. going to give my best shot! wish me luck! =)

just changed my unit enrolment for semester 2. I hope that I am doing the right thing. once changed, it will close my road to majoring in accounting and finance. I know this is a hard decision. but since I have made up my mind, I will stick to my decision and do my best in management and finance. odd combination huh? probably ba. but I believe that this choice will make me better off and I will throughly enjoy my university days.

I need to have enough strength and determination and believe in everything I do. this time, I am doing it right. thanks for the support. all the best!

=)

Econs paper is on friday. which is 4 more days. oh my tian, what am I doing down here?!! I am SUPPOSE to be studying.

anyway, so many things happened during the past weekend. not jotting down every single one here, because that requires many initials. haha, met up with a lot of relatives. come to think of it hor, sometimes its so kua zhang to have 4 aunties and 4 uncles, all being my mum's siblings. haha.

went back to Ipoh on saturday. then came back on sunday. fast sia. luckily its kl-ipoh and ipoh-kl. if not I think I will be half dead sitting in the car rotting away time and sleeping. haha. and obviously I didn't waste any of my stomach's space while I was back in Ipoh. eat and eat and eat. until so full that I totally don't feel like leaving that place. haha.

ok. so its back to study study and more study. microecons is now at government policies of price ceiling and price floor. still got 1 more chapter and the bombastic market structure. trust me. I am real prepared for econs. so prepared that I start to feel unsecure for management. what rubbish.

should focus on my revision once again!

tataa!

kooped this from a friendster bulletin posted by yx.

***
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 96% of girls don't realize it till it its too late and that guy who did these is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. One of the sexiest thing about a girl is her confidence.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.Take advantage of the mood I'm in. let us pay for you! Don't "feel bad"about it. We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say "thank you."

Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word"handsome"/"beautiful".

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:
If you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont't wait for him to change. ditch him. sorry,disgrace to the male population ass and find someone who will treat you with utter respect. Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel, or what you do.Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes.... and say "I love you" ... and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance.

Tips for the less experienced:

*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand,gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder.
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips and tell her you love her too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

***
nice? well, just posting it here because I just read about it. gonna study now. chao!

I am going to change major.

No more Accounting + Banking and Finance.

Banking and Finance + Management?
International Business + Management?

Banking and Finance + Management
this combination will be a little more taxing. the overview of the course structure is rather scary. because of the huge amount of second and third year units that are tied to these two majors. anyway, all the units are accounting and management based. its either a MGW or AFW. oh my tian, I scared later halfway I cannot stand the units. then how?

oh yar, sommor this combination of units means that year 3 sem 1 I will be damn stressed. going to take 3 third year units at the same time leh. kai wan xiao. imagine during assignment period all my blood will be sucked out by the hard hard assignments. haiyo, the thought of it already making me feel disgusted. will I be able to survive?

then this combination allows me to take 3 electives. probably going to take Islamic banking and finance. but then the rest I don't know take what wor. guess this is the bad thing of taking two completely different majors. have to search for 2 other elective choices. haiz.

anyway, the course structure looks like this:

Year 1
Semester 1
AFW 1001 Introductory accounting A
ECW 1101 Introductory microeconomics
ETW 1102 Business statistics
MGW 1010 Managing people and organisation
Semester 2
AFW 1300 Money and capital markets
BTW 1200 Business law
MKW 1120 Marketing theory and practice
MGW 2430 Human resource management

Year 2
Semester 1
AFW2851 Accounting information systems and financial modelling
MGW 2230 Organisational behaviour
MGW 2351 International Business
MGW 3401 Strategic management
Semester 2
AFW 1310 Introduction to Islamic banking and finance
AFW 2401 Commercial banking and finance
AFW 2631 Financial management
MGW 3681 International management

Year 3
Semester 1
MGW 1100 Managerial communication
AFW 3121 Investments and portfolio management
AFW 3331 International banking and finance
AFW 3841 Lending decisions
Semester 2
AFW 3651 Treasury management
MGW 3130 Organisational change and development
[2 more yet to decide units]

wow, so how does that look like? taxing? don't know. sleepy. not going to care about it liao. so ma fan. flexible and rigid also so ma fan one. haiz. probably I just don't suit into the university culture. jiayou for exams! 20 more days to freedom.

oh my shen, I think I am really bored to post this kind of thing onto my blog. haha, by the way, the length of it makes me feel high enough liao. mwahaha. shall evaluate on the other combination the next time ba! chao!

Important information:

Friday (8/6) : C1.3-1.4 = B5 [Econs 1330-1630]
Saturday (9/6): C1.1-1.2 [Malay 0900-1100]
Tuesday (12/6): C1.3-1.4 = A4 [Management 1330-1530]
Monday (18/6): MPH [Statistics 0830-1130]
Wednesday (20/6): MPH [Accounting 0830-1130]

that's all I need to take note. in case of anything emergency, please DO NOT look for me.

=)